The struggle in DayZ is so fucking real.
I thought i was alone down here in Balota, I can feel the crosshairs on my forehead already, this will not end well
So there I was stark bollock naked in front of a new Doctor.
Pondering over this numbness down my right side, poking and prodding me and he glances up, notices my chest and some sketchy looking burn marks.
"How did these come about?"
pointing at various ones i tell him, that’s what happens when a Commis drops fish into a fry vat from an unsafe height.
Thats what happens when a Commis drops a stock pot filled with hard ball stage sugar, note that your initial reaction is to pick molten sugar out of your chest by hand, this just leads to more problems :)
The look of horror on his face when i informed him that this circular grouping was actually cigarette burns whilst cuffed to a bed, i found out I’m not that kinky in short order :D
Then he points to my arms, “what about those? your going to tell me those are work related?”
"Nah, some are, some are from getting ripped up from climbing, but most? Most where inflicted upon me by a stupid scared little kid who didn’t seem to know any better."
Not really understanding, “I hope they prosecuted the little bastard.”
"Nope, he got to see the worst looks on his friends and families faces for a number of years, Gets to see exactly what hes done by the way the hold their eyes, and then he has to explain them for the rest of his life. Judged eternally by a jury of his peers, i figure that’s worse than incarceration."
So for all you idiots out there thinking self harm is “edgy” or “cool” or some other irrational bullshit, it ain’t, its sad, it hurts other people WAAAAAAY more than it will ever hurt you!
You get to spend an eternity explaining marks to employers, lovers, random people in the gym, doctors, nurses, the cops. And you get the rock solid inescapable truth that no matter how much you apologize to your parents and siblings, that every cut inflicted upon yourself was also inflicted upon them.
There are several other options available, and far more help out there now than there was before newfangled things like the internet and support groups. They would all be far preferable than a life spent trying to explain something that can never be justified.
I have no clue what half of these fuckers are for, one makes things cloudy, another adds fog, one seems to increase gravity and there’s one that adds low attention confusion…
Like the worst IRL hax ever!
None of them seem to fix my leg though, so wtf is the point of them???
Just to put things into perspective!
Hahaha back when people used to swarm at Balota airfield :D
WHY U NO REAL? I would drink the shit out of it!
Also why do people ask if you’re friendly?
"No I’m a fucking psycho, intend to cuff you, make you drink disinfectant whilst i feed you raw deer steak, before making you fireaxe a petrol pump at gunpoint." Said no one ever!
People are only friendly till they need your beans, then you’re fucked!
I’ve spent the evening trolling NWAF on random highpops watching people gear up, only to drop them with a well placed mosin round as soon as they think they’re free and clear like a complete asshole. then because i don’t need the gear, stash the body like a prick. The upside is if anyone asked me tonight if i was friendly, i just flat out told the truth “no i fully intend on murdering you.”
The reactions have ranged from startled disbelief, outright anger and hostility and even laughter.
I may be a complete cunt tonight, but I’m straight up honest about it!
Its been a refreshing change of pace from rolling as a hero, in the hiking simulator.
Tempted to loot an AKM and drum mag off some poor asswipes corpse and go hold down the tower in Novodmitrovsk single-handedly just to see if it can be done, im shitfaced enough at this point to just about pull that kind of burn off.
Taken a handful of meds from the doc, high as a kite right now and Anamanaguchi comes on my playlist.
Now all i can think about is eating space pizza.
Powerful lust for some space pizza right about now!
Sorry for the lack of updates recently.
Life has been crazy!
I’m looking at 3 months in prison, ill know for sure come sentencing on the 31st July. Its not looking great.
I’ve already lost my license, ive came to terms with that though.
My right side is also shafted, the doctors don’t know whats wrong, from my right kidney to my right toes, its numb, like constant pins and needles!
At first i assumed it was circulatory, like when i sit cross-legged (as i am right now) my leg goes dead on me after a time.
This is like the entire lower half of my body, and it ranges from unpleasant numbness to severe burning!
After some testing we concluded it wasn’t circulation, its not diabetes, may still be an infection (doubtful as its been a long time, so my immune system should have mopped up by now), and I’ve got an appointment to see a neurologist to check me for the very likely possibility that its a tumor pressing up against something in my head.
Doctor has told me to prepare myself for some bad news…
I’ll know more after a CAT and MRI. getting tired of “I’ll know more” situations.
All said its been a great few months, between getting jailed, facing prison, unemployment, no mobility, and now a high likeliness of a brain tumor, life’s been hectic!
For once id like to see some solid silver, instead of simply looking for the lining, but life it seems has other plans.
All my escapes have been severed, can’t climb on a bum leg, can’t run (the funny side is walking seems to make me look like your typical Scotland village drunkard) All I’ve been doing recently is seeing doctors, lawyers, judges and pharmaceutical induced sleeps, I’ve been on some crazy combinations of medications, and today i feel fairly lucid (I’ve skipped all meds for a few days, so the leg fire is in the post, but at least I’m lucid!)
Apparently my birthday has come and went, i missed it. My schedule has been wild, i pencil in important dates for appointments, drop my meds and lapse into unconsciousness for 19hr periods, wake up dazed and cant tell whats reality from dreamstate for a few hours, figure out what day it is, if ive got any appointments coming up, then drop out again till i need to move.
The impact this has had on my weight has been startling, to the point i struggle to do any pull ups on my fingerboard.
This is simply because i can go for 3 days at a time without eating, so my body has atrophied and converted itself into fat storage, ive gone from marathon fitness to being out of breath on a flight of stairs!
So that’s been my life in a nutshell, extreme drug addled boredom, punctuated by moments of extreme terror and panic.
Cant wait till August, cause at least by then I’ll know for sure wtf is going on, instead of just laying around thinking the worst.
Peace out! Im going to go draw some pixel art for a friends video game!
May as well be productive till the fire starts to rage on my leg :D